What is a toxic relationship? And can it be made healthy?

 

What is a toxic relationship? And can it be made healthy?

Let's talk about toxic relationships. You will undoubtedly have an idea of what it is. You've probably even encountered some of them in your life, so you realize the enormous emotional costs. And the bad impact you bring to your health when you engage yourself with someone who prioritizes their own needs over your own.

However, something strange always happens when we talk about toxic relationships. You know what it is, but you can't see it yourself when you're involved in it. Why not? You're very emotionally involved. Love and sincerity can sometimes be like attaching to your eyes. This prevents you from seeing what the reality is.

You're the only one  who doesn't know it's a toxic relationship.

Being in a toxic and harmful relationship of some sort is unfortunately the reality of a number of people. Both family and friends often see the relationship as harmful, but the person in the relationship is the only one who cannot see it.You may want to be very loved and seriously by someone else so that you take wrong any kind of attention as a sign of love and therefore cannot or will not realize that it is a harmful relationship you are in.

A relationship that dumps you, makes you sad and pulls you down is unhealthy ,whether it's with a narcissist or not.

One of the first steps to healing is to realise and acknowledge that this is a problem. Most people always have a hope that your partner or the person you are in a relationship to in one way or another will change. But the reality is that it is extremely unlikely that another person who only knows how to abuse, use and harm others will change.

A person who loves you will not spend his time shooting you down, killing you for energy, ignoring you, walking on you, disguising you and ridiculing you.

If someone really loves you , he will want to be with you and be close to you. He/she will lift you up, take a genuine interest and sincere interest in you, support and encourage you, and would never do anything that made you sad or damaged you.

Can a toxic relationship be fixed?

If you notice that the relationship is toxic and want to solve this problem, you can follow a few steps to correct it.

The first step to dealing with a toxic relationship is to realize that there is a problem that needs to be solved. There are signs of a toxic relationship you will feel.

You can usually feel when something is wrong and something has to change. Identify toxic behavior, it will be easier for you to communicate with your partner.

You will already be able to respond to this conversation by responding to a lot of information about how it will be. If the partner does not see the problem and does not intend to make any changes, it may be useful to consider seeing the common future. 

Try using easy language, focus on behaviour (which can be changed) rather than on the person. For example, instead of saying "you control," say "I don't want you to touch my phone without my knowledge."

It would be nice to make your comments in a timely manner. That is, it is better to discuss "hot" issues rather than meeting for a serious conversation where you receive a full list of comments (then you may feel directly attacked).

Also make sure not to give your partner feedback in an uncomfortable situation. It's best to leave these conversations for a moment when you're alone. If you criticize a partner and talk about behavior you don't want in the presence of others, the partner may be ironic and embarrassed, which will certainly not have a positive impact on the outcome of the conversation.

Even if you are sure that your partner is a toxic person, it does not mean that you are relieved from working on the relationship.

It may happen that your partner also wants to tell you about your behavior that your partner is negatively aware of. Be prepared to take responsibility for your actions and efforts. Finally, a good relationship is the result of both partners' commitment.

Remember, changes in behaviors occur slowly. We often act automatically and without thinking about doing things in a learning way. Changing thinking and acting requires effort – and time to make a new habit.

Support your partner in change and note your efforts. The partner has always decided about everything, and this time he asked you about what you think and allowed you to decide what you both are about? Although you may feel that "just should be", it is worth pointing out that you appreciate the efforts and desire to change the way you do.

If your partner is using unconsciously toxic behaviors, consider what this is and address the problem at source.

Perhaps the partner is unsure of himself? Maybe it misinterprets your words or behaviors? Or is it the result of your past experience? 

A deeper understanding of the partner in itself reinforces the relationship and, in addition, it will be easier for you to find patience while waiting for the change.

Very often, the long-term disruption of healthy dynamics in the relationship involves partners in certain roles. So if your partner has been dominant for a long time, there is a great chance that you will automatically be a subordinate.

If you want to change, you need to defend your boundaries permanently. If you talk about your expectations once, and if you don't give it a word, you'll be back on the old tracks.

It is worth remembering that assertive delimitation does not immediately mean a way to a quarrel and a fierce fight for who is right and who is supposed to leave. The assertive limits protect your well-being without harming your partner.